Anger Management

Anger Management

The Cambridge English Dictionary defines "anger" that it is a strong feeling which makes one want to hurt someone or be unpleasant because of something unfair or hurtful that has happened. It would not be wrong to say that one of the basic feelings of human is anger. All of us can be angry, but to manage our anger, each of us has different ways. Some always express anger powerfully; some usually manage their anger by suppressing it. But why? Why we have different ways to manage our anger? There are several generalizations from a large number of written articles trying to explain this question. From my experiences in the United States and in my home country, Thailand, I agree with Carol Tavris' generalization that different cultures have different ways to express their anger.

In "Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion", Carol Tavris interestingly explained that to manage anger, different people from different cultures have their unique way. It's based on their country's history, social structure, relationships, or even beliefs. In my perspectives, it's true. In Thailand, more than 80 percent of Thai people are Buddhists. Buddha taught them that anger is a bad emotion because it would bring a number of disadvantages to people who express it. He said that people who are powerfully angry are not different from the mad. Of course, this belief has a huge effect on Thai behaviors, especially on expressing anger. Therefore, when they feel angry, Thai people always tend to suppress it and try not to have any argument. They would try to deal with unsatisfying situations by using reasons, not anger. For example, when I studied in high school, Nan, one of my close friends, borrowed my most favorite novel and lost it. Of course, I felt very angry because this novel was not sold in Thailand, I ordered it from England. At the first time she told me what happened, I decided not to talk to her anymore. However, I didn't do so. I tried to suppress my anger and explained her that I love this novel much and it was not sold in Thailand. She felt very guilty and promised me that she would order a new one from England to give me back. I accepted this offer but suggested her that we both should try to find it first. Fortunately, after all, we found it. From this event, I believed that if I had expressed my anger to her and hadn't talked to her anymore. I, certainly, would have got a new one novel from her but might have lost one of my best friends forever.

Moreover, Thai behaviors are also significantly affected from social structure. As Thai people place high value on seniority, they believe that it would be very rude to express anger to the older. The younger should not express his or her anger to the older although it is the fault of the older. For instance, another one of my friends, Note, is very bad-tempered. He's always moody even to little things such as bad weather. Once one of his servants who is older than him made his shirt burnt by too-long ironing. When Note knew that, he shouted angrily to his servant. Although everyone accepted that it was the fault of his servant, Note was blamed. He should not shout to the older even though the older is his servant. Note's parents blamed him seriously; therefore, he felt guilty and apologized to his servant. This event could be a good example to reflect Thai value on seniority that has strong effect on anger expression.

In contrast, anger expression of American is quite different. Tavris criticized an American way that it makes people become "active pessimists". In this American competitive society, people place high value on individual rights; therefore, when someone breaks rules or breaks others’ rights, it become more serious than in Thai society. Individualism is one of the reasons why American people tend to express their anger powerfully. I agree with this generalization. For example, because I’ve just come to study in the United States, I have some problems in listening skill on real-life English usage. Once I was on a line to buy some food, a waiter asked me what did I want to buy but he spoke very fast and used only few words, not a sentence, so I couldn’t understand what he said. I asked him to repeat what he said. It made a man waiting to buy food behind me disappointed. He blamed me that I made him spend much time to wait. The best thing I could do that time was just apologizing.

For the reasons mentioned above, there can be no doubt that I agree with the generalizations of Carol Tavris in the “Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion” which stated that people from different cultures have different ways to deal with their anger.